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undesignedCharacter: Peter Parker / “Spider-Man”
Series: Ultimate Spider-Man (Comics)
Character Age: 16
Canon: After an amped up spider bites him, Peter Parker finds his life turned upside down when he realizes he has the powers of a spider. While he initially follows a money-making route to help out his family, the loss of his uncle because of a selfish mistake makes him realize he has to take responsibility for his actions and help as many people as he can. As Spider-Man, Peter grapples with his own sense of duty and the ridiculous supervillains and journalists hellbent on ruining his life.
Spider-Man never really shuts up. This is because of the confidence that Peter receives while wearing the mask, and it is this that allows him to show off his smart-mouthed and clever personality while out for justice. “Helpfully,” Peter quippily commentates his fights with stupid jokes made up almost entirely of pop culture references, which cuts down the bad guys with more than just fists. These guys deserve to be annoyed along the way, and while it might be reckless, Peter still takes his job seriously, going out of his way to help anyone he can with little regard for himself. He takes responsibility for every mistake, every screw up, and he tries to make up for them. Without the mask, Peter doesn’t stand out as much. Sure, he’s a teen genius, aces all his classes, and treats people well even if he’s been bullied all his life, but more times than not, he’s just an awkward teenager who kept himself together despite only recently having a solid group of friends. Mask on or off, there are times when Peter is stubborn, temperamental, and refuses to listen, but he’s always had the makings of a hero. Now that he’s come into his own, nothing can stop him from doing what’s right.
Sample Post:
So, what do you think came first: the evil director or the summer camp with the dumb name? Wow, tough crowd! Okay, so it didn’t flow that well in my head either, but come on, that wasn’t even worth a point-five on the Gorilla Fist to Ground Richter Scale! Or as I like to call it, the Gorrichter Scale. What happened to showing some emotion with your giant, plum-colored fists? And forgive me for being so colorful in my narrative, but I just had to paint a vivid image of the setting: Ah, summer just arrived and kids are arriving anew, unaware of the doom that awaits them at Camp Crystal Lake—okay, okay, I admit it. I’m not even trying. Give me credit for not asking me where the hockey masks and sleeping pills are in preparation for the good ol’ battle royale. Or is it the hunger whatsits? What are kids calling them these days?
Looks like I completely failed my grand entrance. And what’s worse, my wonderful sense of humor is completely wasted on you apes and you aren’t even giving me something to do! Usually the evil villain is grunting about how he’s gonna rip off my limbs in the most uncreative way possible, but you look like you’ve been shot up with some horse tranqs. Where’s your showmanship? The love for your job? But hey, at least you aren’t throwing weird things at me. No tomatoes, no grenades, no hands—yeah, I heard that happens sometimes around these parts, but do I look like someone who needs an extra hand? I mean, come on, Spider-Man!
No? Still not working for you? Man, now I know how Leno feels every night, but at least people feel obligated to laugh at his jokes.
Okay, look, this really is a super secret dangerous criminal organization set out to torture and ruin people’s lives after they’re practically snatched from their beds. Right? Because all I see is the disgruntled workforce and not a whole lot of evil going on. What is this, a strike? Because I’m pretty sure they don’t have unions for disgruntled bestial employees. I mean, probably. What do I know? I’m still just a kid. Either way, if this is some kind of organized strike, you guys aren’t doing that great at it. Mostly, you just look like a bunch of sloths, and eugh, who wants to be associated with them? They’re kind of green and smelly and plants grow off them.
—Wait, I’ve got it! It’s Keanu Reeves Appreciation Day, right? He’s done so much for gorilla-kind by showing you deserve jobs, too, and here I am, jumping around and emoting under my mask! But if you really wanna do him proud, try waxing! Look what it did for him.
Series: Ultimate Spider-Man (Comics)
Character Age: 16
Canon: After an amped up spider bites him, Peter Parker finds his life turned upside down when he realizes he has the powers of a spider. While he initially follows a money-making route to help out his family, the loss of his uncle because of a selfish mistake makes him realize he has to take responsibility for his actions and help as many people as he can. As Spider-Man, Peter grapples with his own sense of duty and the ridiculous supervillains and journalists hellbent on ruining his life.
Spider-Man never really shuts up. This is because of the confidence that Peter receives while wearing the mask, and it is this that allows him to show off his smart-mouthed and clever personality while out for justice. “Helpfully,” Peter quippily commentates his fights with stupid jokes made up almost entirely of pop culture references, which cuts down the bad guys with more than just fists. These guys deserve to be annoyed along the way, and while it might be reckless, Peter still takes his job seriously, going out of his way to help anyone he can with little regard for himself. He takes responsibility for every mistake, every screw up, and he tries to make up for them. Without the mask, Peter doesn’t stand out as much. Sure, he’s a teen genius, aces all his classes, and treats people well even if he’s been bullied all his life, but more times than not, he’s just an awkward teenager who kept himself together despite only recently having a solid group of friends. Mask on or off, there are times when Peter is stubborn, temperamental, and refuses to listen, but he’s always had the makings of a hero. Now that he’s come into his own, nothing can stop him from doing what’s right.
Sample Post:
So, what do you think came first: the evil director or the summer camp with the dumb name? Wow, tough crowd! Okay, so it didn’t flow that well in my head either, but come on, that wasn’t even worth a point-five on the Gorilla Fist to Ground Richter Scale! Or as I like to call it, the Gorrichter Scale. What happened to showing some emotion with your giant, plum-colored fists? And forgive me for being so colorful in my narrative, but I just had to paint a vivid image of the setting: Ah, summer just arrived and kids are arriving anew, unaware of the doom that awaits them at Camp Crystal Lake—okay, okay, I admit it. I’m not even trying. Give me credit for not asking me where the hockey masks and sleeping pills are in preparation for the good ol’ battle royale. Or is it the hunger whatsits? What are kids calling them these days?
Looks like I completely failed my grand entrance. And what’s worse, my wonderful sense of humor is completely wasted on you apes and you aren’t even giving me something to do! Usually the evil villain is grunting about how he’s gonna rip off my limbs in the most uncreative way possible, but you look like you’ve been shot up with some horse tranqs. Where’s your showmanship? The love for your job? But hey, at least you aren’t throwing weird things at me. No tomatoes, no grenades, no hands—yeah, I heard that happens sometimes around these parts, but do I look like someone who needs an extra hand? I mean, come on, Spider-Man!
No? Still not working for you? Man, now I know how Leno feels every night, but at least people feel obligated to laugh at his jokes.
Okay, look, this really is a super secret dangerous criminal organization set out to torture and ruin people’s lives after they’re practically snatched from their beds. Right? Because all I see is the disgruntled workforce and not a whole lot of evil going on. What is this, a strike? Because I’m pretty sure they don’t have unions for disgruntled bestial employees. I mean, probably. What do I know? I’m still just a kid. Either way, if this is some kind of organized strike, you guys aren’t doing that great at it. Mostly, you just look like a bunch of sloths, and eugh, who wants to be associated with them? They’re kind of green and smelly and plants grow off them.
—Wait, I’ve got it! It’s Keanu Reeves Appreciation Day, right? He’s done so much for gorilla-kind by showing you deserve jobs, too, and here I am, jumping around and emoting under my mask! But if you really wanna do him proud, try waxing! Look what it did for him.